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If you want to sleep with some poor girl with crippling self esteem problems, good luck to you. May I refer you to Princess Jasmine from Aladdin, who told the eponymous hero that she was not “a prize to be won”?

A woman walking along the street has to be her own bouncer – just assume she doesn’t like the look of you and don’t try to force your way in.2. So you thought about following the woman with the nice bottom, decided it was a bad idea and went somewhere for a quick pint instead. You are not entitled to see a nipple for every unit of alcohol you purchase for a woman.

And amazingly, she’s popped up at your local with her mates. Whether it’s serendipity or a nice prezzie from the patron saint of Not Stalking (not that women can be given as gifts, that’s objectification, innit?! There is no scale where a bitter shandy gets you a hand shandy and Bollinger buys you bum sex.

The only thing that I considered faintly provocative about my outfit was my butter soft leather jacket, but unless I rushed up to a stranger and said “hey, cop a feel of my sexy jacket” I thought passers by would go unprovoked.

And yet, in all my not-hot glory, as I made my way to the tube to fight for a woman’s right to walk along the street and not be harassed, I got harassed.

But it’s going to cost more than a bottle of Chardonnay.3.

Touching Sometimes me and my sister play a game called Gay Incest Chicken.

Compliments are complicated This bit makes me feel like a right bitch. And even the compliments that are intended as a manipulative seduction tool are also intended to make the recipient feel good about themselves.

I’m sure the man at the corner shop who told me he’d love to come on my tits believed his semen was the most precious gift he could give me.

You get a same gender sibling, and take it in turns to gently place a hand on the other person’s arm, face, knee or thigh.

When the person being touched screams “arghhhhhhhh” and runs away to bathe in bleach, the toucher has won.

There’s no way I’m being singled out because of my stunning beauty. Also every single one of my girl mates reports a series of similar events at a similar frequency.

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