Rubber band approach dating
John Gray essentially believes that men have an intimacy cycle that is comparable with a rubber band, which stretches (this is when the man pulls away) and then eventually springs back, which is when he wants to get closer.
I read in Men are from Mars, Women from Venus that men are like rubber bands, they pull away sometimes for no reason. If a man needs to be needed it doesn't automatically mean he is emotionally unhealthy. And women need a lot, they (more often than men) don't know what they want or need, they (more often than men) confuse their needs and wants, and very often what they want is contrary to what they need. Some emotionally healthy men DO want this, and are capable of handling the responsibility with the care and attention it needs. In fact, the idea that men and women don't need each other is a direct response to feminist independence, a philosophy that tells men that women don't need them, men are disposable, and we men should stop trying to fill a woman's needs. I agree with you, but I think we are talking about two different things OF COURSE people need to be needed.
And then they come back when thier need for autonomy is fulfilled. (Or women who have observed it.) please give examples. Or do they maybe just come back when they need some s*ex?????? Some emotionally healthy men DO want this, and are capable of handling the responsibility with the care and attention it needs. In fact, the idea that men and women don't need each other is a direct response to feminist independence, a philosophy that tells men that women don't need them, men are disposable, and we men should stop trying to fill a woman's needs. But there has to exist a balance in this and it should never dip down into the clingy, needy type thing or it is unhealthy - that's the kind of need that I was referring to.
This is not planet of the apes where we have to creep around the species with a penis and the problem with this idea that men have a cycle of pushing and pulling and blowing hot and cold (you can see where I am going with this…) is that it sends a message to millions of women that this is what they should expect in all relationships.
What John Gray is also describing are men who are habitually emotionally emotionally unavailable, habitually users, habitually coming back to roost when they need an ego stroke, a shag, or a shoulder to lean on, and who manage down the relationship and the woman’s expectations so that they can get their needs met without meeting the needs of the woman.
According to Gray, women are allowed to contact their partners during this time, but he advises “speaking his language,” a strategy that involves appealing to his sense of being the expert by asking him for help or advice. Here are 3 reasons why you should be very wary of this advice: 1.
Independence is not just for men Attachment theory suggests that a good relationship is one in which partners are always comfortable turning to each other for support.
When a woman is so wrapped up in a man that she can't take a step without him - she won't go out with friends, won't develop her own passions or interests - this is not healthy and will turn most men off. Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. Over ,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum.
I have no idea what has triggered the sudden gathering of questions but one of the most common issues with the assertion that ‘men are like rubber bands’.
Where this rubber band theory is problematic is where there are relationships with poor or non existent foundations and also by creating the expectation that all men behave in this way, many women have misguidedly failed to recognise the major red flags in their men when they are in the early stages of dating them.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating