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Science of Us recently spoke to her about her research.In your book, there was definitely a little bit of romance to the idea that in some cases, people are drawn to people from a different class because that person has something that their own background didn’t provide them. Sociologists have usually said that these things that we grow up with that become part of our class — those are the reasons we don’t like each other: We don’t know what class other people are from often, but we notice these personality traits and then don’t like them because of that.This will perform an ajax call to redeem a promotion or gift card and display an informative message upon return.

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It seemed like the role of emotion was one of the biggest and most persistent cleavages you found in how partners from different classes operated.

The white-collar partners tended to have much more what I call the “managerial style.” They manage their emotions, so before you want to express something, you think about it first, you figure out what you really feel, you think about how to express it in a way that will make the other person most comfortable, and then you kind of quietly and very calmly state how you feel and make sure there’s a good rationale behind it.

That laissez-faire versus managerial divide manifested itself across many different aspects of the marriages you studied.

How did partners who were different on that front bridge the gap?

Whereas the people who grew up in blue-collar families express emotion in more of what I call a “laissez-faire” style, kind of an unregulated way: If you feel it, you express it, and it might not always be expressed in the nicest way or the calmest way, but it’s basically more honest." data-reactid="28"It seemed like the role of emotion was one of the biggest and most persistent cleavages you found in how partners from different classes operated.

Whereas the people who grew up in blue-collar families express emotion in more of what I call a “laissez-faire” style, kind of an unregulated way: If you feel it, you express it, and it might not always be expressed in the nicest way or the calmest way, but it’s basically more honest.

The process of combining two bank accounts, and sometimes two incomes, into one pooled set of resources is a fraught one, and it only becomes more so when childrearing and real-estate purchases are added to the mix.

Jessi Streib, an assistant professor of sociology at Duke, about how married couples from different class backgrounds deal with having very different beliefs about money — not to mention differing when it comes to the countless other habits and social mores intimately connected to the social classes they were born into.

Often women who grew up in blue-collar families grew up in class conditions that were really unstable, and what we know about growing up in those conditions is sometimes people internalize a feeling that the world is an unstable place, that bad things could happen at any moment.

It’s kind of something the women wanted for themselves, so that was one thing they mentioned a lot in what drew them to their partners.

John Alexander, the author discussed in my How To Become An Alpha Male review, says that while most other dating books focus on WHAT to do to please the woman, the better approach is to concentrate instead on how to BECOME the man that women respond to.

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