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It's always good to begin these conversations with something positive.

You can mention how much you value them and the relationship.

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If one or both of our parents is toxic, not supportive, hypercritical, narcissistic, resentful, controlling, unloving, or mentally ill — it can infect your entire life and turn you from an emotionally mature adult into a wounded, infuriated child.

As you grow into adulthood and realize how difficult and hurtful your parent was when you were a child — when you couldn't understand their behavior — you'll have buckets of your own anger and resentment to sort through.

And of course, I don't need to tell you that when your family member behaves this way with you, it has very little (or more likely nothing) to do with you personally.

It's all about them, who they are, their past experiences, their unmet needs, their inability to communicate in healthy ways, their fears, etc. But if that difficult person is your mother, your father, your sibling, your child, or God forbid, your spouse, it's hard to just remember it's all about them and calmly let it roll of your back.

It is extremely difficult to release these painful feelings in healthy ways with your parent, especially if they are received with more bad behavior or rejection.

Issues with difficult siblings can also disrupt your life and cause you pain, although generally they don't cause the turmoil that a difficult parent can create.Trying to connect with him was like jumping in a pool with only 6 inches of water.I know there must have been more in there, but God love him, he couldn't express it, and neither myself, my siblings, nor my mother could reach it.Sometimes he resorted to anger and stomping around the house in a grown-up version of a toddler tantrum.As a teenager and young adult, I couldn't understand why there was such a disconnect between us and why our relationship was so superficial.He was manipulative, self-absorbed, and often inappropriate.

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