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I register, and enter the murky world of two-timing technology, taking note of the warning on the site: "Not all affairs have a positive effect on a marriage." What a masterpiece of understatement.

I wonder if anyone has ever read this, seen the wisdom of it and decided not to join. "I'm witty, charming, handsome and modest, and I'm kind to animals," I write, hoping this description will have a fairly broad appeal, and also include a recent photograph.

Clicking the button switches its label to 'Awaiting Bang' but will not notify them of your interest.

It may sound like an unpleasant niche website for a handful of amoral people to whom wedding vows never meant very much.

But it claims to have more than 100,000 members in the UK.

Your picture can be viewed only if you give a password to the person with whom you are conversing.

The idea is presumably to safeguard people from searching for their own spouses on the site - though how a husband would explain to his errant wife how he came to stumble across her picture on a website for adulterers, I don't know.

What I don't know is how her husband will feel about it. Aside from the little matter of her marital status, she also believes I have a wife, but she doesn't care.

She wants instant gratification even though we've exchanged only a few words online.

"I want a man with a personality and looks to take my breath away." These are the requirements of the dark-haired, dark-eyed, 37-year-old Asian beauty who has sent me her romantic wish list.

Reading it on my laptop in the aptly named Cafe Affaire in central London, I consider what she really wants: a no-strings-attached sexual relationship.

Once your order is shipped, you will be emailed the tracking information for your order's shipment.

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