Dating women have been sexually abused

He’s a recent widower (wife died of cancer in June 2010.) We started dating just after Labor Day. We live about an hour and 1/2 apart and he has a very high level job and a big house to take care of (and a dog.) There has been no sex yet but lots of “foreplay.” He says he always waits to have sex until he’s more sure of the woman.I want to see more of him at this point (3 months,) especially on Saturday nights.

In our rather casual conversation, we marveled at how his fuckboy reputation didn’t seem to match his quiet, passive demeanor.

Although we were both warned by our friends that he had a history of being shitty to girls, we were, after all, cooperative and sex-positive housemates.

I decided that it wasn’t, and I simply told him, “I really don’t fucking care.” I’ve seen my fair share of assholes, and if he was going to be a fuckboy, I wasn’t going to be the one to comfort his guilt.

Maybe this turned him on because despite his earlier hesitation, we promptly continued hooking up.

But this is the norm for widowers –for one of two reasons: either the marriage itself wasn’t that healthy and he was immediately ready to move on, OR, like men of a certain age, he put everything had into his marriage and nothing into any other relationships. As such, you are presumably the first woman he’s been with for many years.

So when a woman survives her husband, she’s got a circle of friends from the neighborhood, from work, from her card game, from her book club, from her salsa classes. Regardless, he dictates the terms of the relationship based on HIS needs and schedule. To his credit, he’s taking things slow, to avoid diving into another serious relationship that he may end up regretting.You know what a widower’s left with when his wife dies? A man’s inability to survive without a woman is a big explanation why a widower is often a very hot ticket on the open market – he’s LOOKING to be married again. But, at a certain point, a man has to step up and give you a reasonable amount of attention and comfort.Factor in the dearth of older men – there are literally 3 times more single women over the age of 65 – and, well, a decent looking widower doesn’t stay available for very long. And if he fails, he risks losing the woman he cares about.It wasn’t until I began to unbuckle his belt that I noticed the hesitancy in his big blue eyes.Several weeks before, I confronted my housemate after I found out that we had both slept with Sam.I just read your book “Why He Disappeared” and really appreciated the great info.

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