Dating a divorce with child

It was a commitment not unlike marriage, and, given that feelings were still raw post-divorce, neither of us thought it would be easy. It can involve long commutes and budgets strained by the costs of maintaining two households.The traditional dad-gets-every-other-weekend formula is logistically easier than what Jorgen and I planned. "It's not like it was 20 years ago," says Leslie Drozd, editor of the Journal of Child Custody. " Most often, children still end up living primarily with the mother; according to the most recent census, moms are the official primary residential parent after a divorce in 5 out of 6 cases, a number that hasn't changed much since the mid-'90s.

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"There's no longer the same presumption that young children must be with their mother."Courts are changing as well; in the small percentage (5 percent) of custody cases that do go to litigation, judges are now more inclined to disregard gender and look at who's the better parent, says Gary Nickelson, president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. Nationwide, the proportion of divorced spouses who opt for joint physical custody, where kids spend anywhere between 33 and 50 percent of their time with one parent and the rest with the other, are still small—about 5 percent, according to an analysis of data from the '90's on post-divorce living arrangements by clinical psychologist Joan B. But in California and Arizona, where statutes permitting joint physical custody were adopted in the '80s, a decade earlier than in most states, the joint-physical-custody rates were higher, ranging from 12 to 27 percent.

Formal custody assignments don't tell the whole story of increased involvement by divorced fathers.

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For those who divorce, there's another day—equally vivid, totally different—that etches into memory: when they have to tell their children their mother and father are splitting up.

What I remember is pacing through our apartment the night before, watching my girls sleep.Learn More Find marriage and family therapists, financial advisors, mortgage brokers and more to assist you with your life transition.Learn More Join us on the Periscope app on the first and third Wednesdays of each month at Wednesday at PM EST.When his parents divorced in the 1970s, they adopted the standard every-other-weekend-with-dad setup.He remembered missing his father tremendously and didn't want that for our kids.The older one was 8 and still slept as she had when she was a newborn, arms thrown high above her head.

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