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How much influence do your parents have over your life? Which are worse, starving children or abused animals, and which answer would you accept in a prospective match?

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Its terms, unlike those of casual sex, didn’t have to be negotiated every time. It was founded by a man, but the person of particular interest to Witt is a woman: Princess Donna Dolore, an accomplished dominatrix who has presided over the site’s Public Disgrace channel since she came up with the idea for it, in 2008.

The woman didn’t have to wonder about her partner’s character or intentions; she didn’t even have to be attracted to him. The same is true, in a very different way, of the experience Witt recounts in her best chapter, “Internet Porn.” is a B. In Public Disgrace videos, a woman (or a few) is stripped, bound, and subjected to a series of torments, such as getting zapped with electrical current or flogged, while another performer (or a few) prods and penetrates her body to the cheers and enthusiastic insults of onlookers.

(Parts of “Future Sex” first appeared in and Matter.) “They believed in intentional communities that could successfully disrupt the monogamous heterosexual tradition,” she writes, with a touch of the East Coaster’s skepticism toward the Bay Area’s positive-thinking citizens.

“They gave their choices names and they conceived of their actions as social movements.” But she is honest about her true motivations: “I used the West Coast and journalism as alibis.” She was going to see how strangers in California used the Internet to organize and make sense of their desires, but the life she intended to hack was her own. She used Ok Cupid—Tinder was months away from launching —and discovered that, though its matchmaking algorithm could be eerily accurate about the sorts of people she would like, it couldn’t predict whether the sight of those people in the flesh would flood her with desire or leave her cold. Even if you’ve been happily partnered for years, let me recommend that you fill out an Ok Cupid profile to see what it’s like to squeeze your personality and desires through the sieve of questions posed by its jovial anthropomorphic algorithm.

While still in New York, Witt went out with a composer, a woodworker, and a hair stylist.

In San Francisco, she met a Brazilian who showed her his marijuana plants.Her clothed counterpart sits on a cushion to her right, puts on a pair of latex gloves, applies lube to a finger, and, after asking for permission to touch her and “poetically” describing her vulva, proceeds to stroke her clitoris.An i Phone timer is set for fifteen minutes; when it goes off, the stroking stops, the partner covers the woman with a towel, and the pair verbalize their reactions.What she caught was worse: a dismal self-accounting of her existential shortcomings.Marriage, for many, signals the start of a new life stage.She began to see that she was living in a time of unprecedented erotic possibility, a sort of sexual future.

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